Hosts, Partners, and Reconnoissance

(This is the last of a four-part series.)

I often find it easier to host a party than to attend one. First, I know all the guests, so there is no awkward small talk needed to learn about a person. Most importantly, I am forced to mingle. A host must keep an eye out for the welfare of his guests; consequently, he spends ten minutes at a time with each group and, by default, avoids clumping.

Since the host’s primary role is to spark movement, you can capitalize on her central position to move about the room just as I do. The best way to accomplish this is by offering your assistance, which serves as the ultimate "get out of jail free" card; upon arrival, simply check with the host to see if you can help here and there throughout the evening. To maintain this mobility, aim to arrive "fashionably late." This ensures you do not become an "anchor" that is unable to maneuver later, allowing you to retain your status as a "free agent."

Diplomats and famous individuals often inform the host they can only stay for a limited time due to other obligations. They then use a tactic where they enter through the front door and exit through the back, mingling their way straight through the ballroom. While this may sound calculated, it is! However, you should be aware of this tactic if you find yourself at an event you would rather avoid.

Coming to a party with a significant other brings all sorts of possibilities. Although it may be tempting to clump together, it is best if partners separate and mingle throughout the room independently. They can then "compare notes" upon reuniting, building a more dimensional narrative of the event. A useful way to begin this separate mingling is through flattering introductions: "Amie, this is Tony. Tony is a specialist in illocutionary syntax. Amie, didn't you just read a paper on that subject?" This creates an immediate connection, allowing one partner to slip away while the other enjoys a new acquaintance.

To further reduce party anxiety, it helps to give oneself specific tasks to accomplish, such as acting as a "beverage monitor" or introducing other attendees to one another. By doing so, an individual shifts his focus from social anxiety to useful activity. This shift relaxes the partygoer, increasing creativity and gregariousness, which makes moving between groups feel more natural.

In conclusion, here is a handy checklist encapsulating the strategies discussed in this series:

• Think Like a Host: Look for solo individuals or open circles rather than "clumping" with familiar faces.
• The Mingle: Keep conversations approximately ten minutes in length.
• Use Body Language: Gradually indicate future movement by angling the feet toward the next objective while still facing your vis-à-vis.
• Be Honest: When exiting a conversation, it is perfectly fine to note that everyone is present to circulate throughout the event.
• Drinks as Props: Use drink strategies, such as inviting someone to the bar with you or offering a drink to conclude a conversation.
• The Departure: Settle the "social debt" with a delivered drink, a new introduction, or simply a bon mot that leaves a lasting impression.